How I Stopped Fantasizing About Men


This article is a snapshot of my journey of self-exploration; meant to give an example of the profound way my life has been transformed by using the Self-Healing Dalian Method. The Dalian Method is a ground-breaking healing method created by the modern-day mystic, Mada Eliza Dalian. I’ve been trained by Mada to facilitate the Dalian Method with adults. I share my story to help others understand the extraordinary benefits of this work. This article does not offer a detailed explanation of the Dalian Method, nor of other aspects of Mada’s work. To learn more, reach out directly: or read more about the Dalian Method here.

The Day Dreamer

Lately, there’s been lots of new romantic energy in my life. Having recently ended a common-law partnership of nearly six years; and having taken a big step towards connecting more deeply with my authentic self; it has seemed that there is romantic opportunity around every corner. As exciting as it is to meet new people and experience that sizzle of new romance, it can be a roller-coaster of emotion and it can be very distracting. As I started exploring new romance, I began, increasingly, drifting into daydreaming, sometimes for long stretches of time. As a consequence of falling into fantasy, focusing on day to day tasks became harder and harder.

Although daydreaming has always been such a beautiful escape for me, a cosy getaway; this time, the voice of inner awareness within me was watching and noting that daydreaming was taking me entirely out of the present moment. I began to observe the mechanism of daydreaming more closely.

The Fairy-tale Addiction

It occurred to me that this pattern of daydreaming has been with me since I can remember. It goes all the way back to my earliest childhood. I was an obsessive reader from a very young age, gobbling up books even at the ages of 3, 4 and 5. Really, I used books and imagination as a coping strategy against the sadness that I felt even at these young ages. I would spend hours playing alone in the yard, imagining myself as the princess at the ball with the beautiful gown, alone and misunderstood and then the prince would offer me a dance and everything would become perfect.

As these insights emerged, I realized that part of me really wanted to hold onto day dreaming. It was like a drug I used for escape and I was addicted. And yet, a deeper awareness within started to request freedom from this day dreaming. As I tried to be free of it, to shut it off, I felt like I didn’t have any control over it; like the day dream would start and I couldn’t even choose to pull myself out of it. It was taking over my life. I felt powerless, just like with any other addiction.

Girl Power

I had a Dalian Method session coming up and decided to make this the focus of my session. I really wanted to break free of that pattern of being controlled by fantasies.

As I started the session, a lot of anger came up from all the times I had suppressed my power with men. Through expressing this anger and releasing it from my body, I came to see that I have long believed men could give me my freedom and strength. I also realized that this gender conditioning is pervasively embedded in the fairy tale narrative that we all grow up with and that my behaviour of engaging obsessively in the prince/princess fantasy has been inexplicably tied to this conditioning. These beliefs had been limiting me from accessing my own strength and freedom. No wonder I was addicted to fantasy! I thought I was chasing a man, a prince, but really I was chasing my own strength and freedom.

Men and Women are Equally Affected by the Conditioning of Our Genders

 As my Dalian Method session continued, I expressed my desire for my own strength and freedom directly. I worked through my body, claiming my power back from all the times I had subverted myself to a man, or to the collective idea of ‘the man’ or ‘the men’; calling my strength into my feet, my belly, my sex centre, my solar plexus, my heart. By the time I got to my third eye (working with the third eye is one of the steps of the Dalian Method), the charge of the anger was starting to dissipate, I was feeling stronger and I was ready to go deeper. As I rubbed my third eye and looked inside, this feeling of sadness came over me and I started to weep. A past life memory emerged of a time when I was a man. The words that came out were, “I hate being a man”. As I expressed this out loud and continued to release the emotion, I saw deeper into this memory and understood why I had hated being a man. It was because I had felt I had to hold it all together all the time. I expressed this out loud as well and felt the sadness release from my body. A sense of deep clarity started to emerge. From this clear space, I realized that men and women are equally affected by the conditionings of our genders. The anger, resentment and fear I had been holding towards men fell away. The struggle of the binary understanding of the male and female genders dissolved and I truly knew from deep in my being that we are all in this together.

Furthermore, I knew that I can no longer blame men for my reluctance to claim my power and take responsibility for my life. I felt myself stepping into my personal authority over my life, freedom and sexuality in a way I never had before.

The Dalian Method

I could’ve tried to tell myself these things: that I should step into my power, that I should let go of my anger, claim my freedom and realize that men and women are equally affected by the conditioning of our genders, but it would’ve been mostly an intellectual exercise. But to truly experience the depth of understanding of these awarenesses all throughout my body was transformational. This is the magic of the Dalian Method. The Dalian Method guides you through a process of deep transformation where you release old thoughts and feelings that have been repressed and unconsciously trapped in your body. When you release these repressions from your body, a space of clarity opens within. From this clarity, you uncover an awareness from deep inside and anchor it throughout your body. Next, you start living your life from this new awareness.

Sexual Freedom and Leadership

Like magic, after my session, I stopped disappearing into fantasy. I felt like I had control of my life and of my time again. It was such a relief. I had my focus back. What’s more, I felt empowered to choose freely how to express my sexuality and who to be with. I didn’t feel that I had to be trapped in what a man wanted me to be, rather I felt I could share myself if I wanted from my freedom and authority; that I was free to enjoy and share myself on my own terms. Free to choose and free to enjoy my sexuality, which is really so much fun!

Since this session, I’ve also noticed myself stepping more and more into my own leadership qualities in ways I had never believed were possible for me. For the first time in my life I can see that people around me are easily regarding me as a leader. People are respecting my power and authority because I am now in touch with it inside myself.

Jandy Anderson is a Dalian Method Facilitator and offers appointments at Local Health Integrative Clinic on Saturdays. Click here to book an appointment with Jandy.