My Friend Dumped Me and I Am Grateful

by Jandy Anderson, Dalian Method Facilitator 

The root of suffering is attachment.

~ the Buddha

It was dark outside when I got the phone call. It was a short call. She said, “I’ve got nothing to give.” I can’t remember everything she said. You know how memory is. I remember getting the message that she would be stepping aside for now. Did she say this directly? Maybe. I felt quiet inside in that moment. Somewhat in shock and yet knowing this was something to accept. That was at first.

The agony came later. She was one of my best friends. And now she was just not there. It was almost like she had died. Except she had not died. She was alive and thriving. She was realizing her dreams. Her destiny.

But she and I had stopped. No more Monday lunches. No more phone calls. No more walks. Out of nowhere: “Hey, this is happening.” And then bam. Call failed. Radio static. Flat line.

Through reading, I had learnt of the value of ‘non-attachment.’ I wanted to be ok with her departure. But I was far from ok. My thoughts and emotions were on fire inside. And I did not know how to put the fire out.

It was time for me to truly learn the value of non-attachment. To learn it the way no one’s writing can ever teach.

I quickly realized that I could not ‘wish’ away my feelings. I wanted to respect her journey. I wanted to let her go – at least on the surface. Deeper down, I wanted to hold on. Tight.

So, I had to see and feel, with gripping honesty, everything that was making me hold on. It was painful. I had to see my selfishness. To see that deep down I believed that I was owed her time and energy even if she did not have it to give. That was sobering. To see the stark self-importance. To see the belief that I had to get my sense of personal value from her; otherwise I had none.

What? No independent value? Only a beggar looking for alms for the poor? As I saw these deeply held beliefs in their raw nakedness, my awareness began to pierce through.

The old beliefs began to breakdown through the light of my awareness: Of course I have my own value! And why would I want to take something from someone that they don’t have to give or want to give?! That’s stupid.

As my awareness woke up, I began to find peace in letting go. Rather than a sense of loss there was freedom and respect. Respect for her journey. And respect for my own!

My dear friend gave me one of the most important lessons of my life. How did she do it? She simply stepped away.

I am so grateful because I now have a deeper understanding of the burden that comes from attachment. I have a deeper understanding of the freedom and respect of non-attachment. It is not just an intellectual understanding. It is a knowing which actually translates into conscious behaviour. These understandings have significantly improved ALL of my relationships.

How have my relationships improved? More freedom, less neediness, less insecurity, more empowerment, more respect, less struggle.

I have also learnt that whenever I uncover the deeper lessons within any situation, I always feel grateful. No matter how painful the process of getting there. This leads to more acceptance of what is.

And anytime I am hanging onto struggle or blame or judgement it is a sure sign there is some understanding to uncover. And I know that the understanding, when it arises, will be a gift.


Ok, so how do you get there? Look, I can be pretty hard-headed and stubborn. I had honest, wise friends who were very helpful in pointing me in the ‘right’ direction of self-responsibility during this situation. Even with this help, it would have taken me a very long time to get to a genuine deeper understanding if it were not for one thing: the Dalian Method.

The Dalian Method brings forward the understanding you can never get from hearing someone else’s wisdom or advice. It gives you direct access to your own inner truth.

The Dalian Method is unparalleled in its ability to help you feel, express, and release many layers of thoughts and feelings that are blocking your deeper awareness and consciousness. That’s why I facilitate the Dalian Method with others. I want everyone to have access to the transformational benefits of awakening consciousness using this brilliant system.

Jandy Anderson is a Dalian Method Facilitator and offers appointments at Local Health Integrative Clinic on Saturdays. Click here to book an appointment with Jandy.